i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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