BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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