why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
