'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
