i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
