P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
