can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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