You work out of a Hotel?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
