i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
