No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
