There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
