Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
