It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
