forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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