if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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