I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
