I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
