Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
