have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
