he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
