Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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