I wish you could order shots online.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to sanitize my soul.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
