I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
