Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
