need another drink. this is the easiest way
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize