True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
