So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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