It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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