The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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