I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
