Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
