I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
