Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
