my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This baby is an asshole
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
