Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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