Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
