Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
