I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
