Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love you. Go after that dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
