...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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