I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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