you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
