i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize