My hand turned me down
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
