stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
