I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
