I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
