so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
