smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
