before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This toilet bowl is my home.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
