I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
