I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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