I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it because I queefed?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
