I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
