you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize