I accidentally had phone sex last night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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