shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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