sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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