My hand turned me down
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ruined the universe
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
