C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
