I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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