Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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