everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
