Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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