If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
