none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
