but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
