Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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