dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this is an emotional support booty call
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
