I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize