You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
