gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I need moral support for this bender
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
