please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
