im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
These tits shall not be calmed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
