would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize