You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
