just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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