just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
