i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
