Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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