I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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