I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
