so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm passing your future prison.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
