The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
