never play flip cup with pint glasses
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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