you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
